PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
