i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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