I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
