Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
