that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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