So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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