Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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