No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
