There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
