There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
