Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We left the knife in your bed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
