I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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