yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Alive.
So much puke
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
