she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
