the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize