Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
