I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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