I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she pinky promised me she was 18
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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