I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
