You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
