you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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