Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
