The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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