He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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