Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
