and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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