Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
