...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize