Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
