batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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