My friends, they love my intelligence
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i've created a new STD.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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