It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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