my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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