Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
