How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
