I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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