I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
