Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
