I puked a lego.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
