i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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