I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
