The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
