ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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