I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
