Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
