Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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