After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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