i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
