You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
