I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
