In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
