True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
