11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
