GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
