Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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