he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
