At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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