Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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