Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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