He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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