It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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