the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
