btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dick very happy bro
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
