She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
