when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
