Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You are a genius and a whore.
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