There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
