In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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