My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
