Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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