were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I checked into jail on foursquare
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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