I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
