I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
