i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
