I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
