I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
