where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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