the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
