loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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