your room smells of hookers.
And success
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
