Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
