Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
