I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
