i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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