I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
