last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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