im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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