It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
