i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
